Advice Worth Listening To ?

I think the best thing we can do for ourselves is not to ask everyone what they would do in our relationship situation. If someone is alone and they haven't had a date in years then is that advice valid? Maybe were asking all the wrong people to solve our problems . I find that I can talk through my problems with my friends but it only helps so much. It's like talking about a problem could only make it worse. I think deep down people know what they need to do. The right answers are written on the inside of us. There's no shame at all in needing help. However, people and situations can completely change and shock you. Nothing is the same way it was five minutes ago. Who should we listen to? Who knows us the best? Who has your best interests at heart and steer you in the right direction? I feel so strongly about this and I just feel like not everyone is qualified to give people relationship advice.

My Romance V

The hardest part about ending a relationship or a friendship is how to explain what happened to the people you love. How do you move on when you have resentment in your heart? How can you heal when you feel like you have nothing left? I walked around my hometown for the whole day distraught not in my right mind. The memories of "J" and I kissing in bed flashed in my mind. The separation from him cut me deeper than the sharpest knife. I felt like the one person who was suppose to understand me and protect me had betrayed me for his own lust. I heard his voice in my mind apologizing on the phone as I walked with tears falling down my face. I'm sorry wasn't good enough. I'm sorry wasn't cutting it. How could he? But it made me realize that a casual relationship could never ever be enough for me. 

My Romance IV

I woke up feeling so elated. I remembered when he told me I was the only woman he actually liked cuddling . His arms were wrapped around me when I woke up. He was still sleeping soundly and snoring slightly. My little heart was singing a happy song. I felt nothing but love! Or was it all an allusion my mind had created to justify what I done? Even though, we spent much of our time together he wasn't my boyfriend. After we kissed and made out we had agreed we were more than friends. But agreeing to be more than friends just wasn't enough for me honestly! If you agreed to be more than friends than does that give you a friends with benefits status? If you like someone and you have slept with them then what is problem with starting a relationship? Technically, that process is backwards the relationship ideally would come first! This battle of questions and ethics was battering my mental energy. I knew on the inside that I deserved better. I deserved someone who wouldn't make me wait for them. Suddenly, my romance didn't seem so romantic after all....it took me two weeks for the magic our physical encounter to wear off. I texted him , " It's important I need to talk to you". He knew I never made statements like that without being completely serious. He called me as soon as he got a free second. He knew it was time to face the music. That marvelous ride we had been on was about to get to complicated seriously fast. I wanted a relationship. I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted someone who would have my back ultimately he wasn't up for that challenge. He wasn't on the same page as me after having his heart broken by his almost fiancee who cheated on him. But why make me suffer when the woman before me did those unspeakable things not me? I had to let it go because the whole situation was killing me slowly and draining me. It didn't make sense to invest my time and energy into someone who didn't care about seeing that my needs were met. It was a painful lesson to learn and I hope that you all learn my mistakes. I pray that you will never know the type of pain that I felt and was going through because it almost killed me. But I survived....

My Romance Part III

We sat next to each other on the couch. We had a bunch of DVDs lined up , blanket ready and food was warm and ready to go. Suddenly something started to happen that I couldn't explain. He kissed me so passionately and held me so tight. His hands were everywhere at once suddenly! His hands were in my hair, my face, my neck.... I'm not sure if I regret what happened next. I'll cut out the mechanics of it I know that I have some thirteen year olds reading this at home. If you can't guess what happened next then that means you aren't old enough to be reading this honestly ;) I didn't go home that night. When I woke up it was 2am and "J" was in a deep sleep. I decided I would face the consequences tomorrow.

My Romance II

That night changed everything for me. He picked me up from my house. I walked out the door in a tunic dress, leather jacket and knee high black boots. It was appropriate because the fall weather was all around us . When he saw me he immediately jumped out of the car. He couldn't contain his excitement. He grabbed my hand and he kissed me for a long time. Out on the street, just like that not caring who saw us or what happened next. It's one of the those moments  I'll always cherish because it was so fleeting but you feel so goddamn alive. The world melted away for a couple seconds. He had just gotten off work and hadn't had time to shower. His hair was in a cute adorable mess since his usual hat was gone. He was wearing a cropped white t-shirt, slightly loose work jeans streaked with white paint and timberland boots. We drove through the city on a Friday night shockingly the roads were clear. The flashing and glittering city lights and skyscrapers that passed us while we cranked up the radio. I was riding on a wave of complete euphoria when I look back it at all. He stopped at his favorite wings and ribs joint to pick up some take out for dinner. We arrived at his apartment around 8 :00 p.m. His apartment was a decent size. What struck me about his apartment was I could really tell he didn't have a woman in his life. I felt sadness for a moment. I mean the way a woman would keep a house is completely different than your average male. All the furniture and necessary things were there but it wasn't a whole lot of decorating decision making going on. We went back to the couch. He puts a movie on. The food is still sitting on the table....( check back for part III...)

My Romance Part I

 Last month, I met this guy we will call him "J". We met at an art gallery opening party through a friend of mine from college. We talked all night and had exchanged numbers by the end of it. I was so worried he wouldn't call me I nearly died. That crazy feeling of holding on to your phone so tight because you want it to ring. I remember the anticipation building up inside of me. We talked on the phone for a solid hour. Impressive? Maybe... he wanted to know when I could see him again. I had a volleyball match that Tuesday so I decided to invite him out. He came on time and even cheered me on. We went out to the bar with my team for drinks and they really liked what he added to the group. He held my hand and I felt like I could fly. He swapped seats with my one of my friends just so he could sit closer to me. He was so sweet. Then he volunteered to drive me home so I wouldn't have to take the train back. That should have been my first clue! This was the start of the trouble... I forget how he ended up on my side of the car (remember I'm on the passenger's side and hes giving me a lift home) . But imagine me hot and sweaty after a 
competitive volleyball game with sexy little short spandex on. I can't blame him. I'm not a vain person at all but I must have looked seriously hot for him to kiss me like that. I still play back and rewind that kiss in my head. It was sensual but polite his hands stayed on my waist no wandering. It was so pleasant and so unexpected. As you will hear the rest of the story I will be left wondering to this day why he kissed me like that. Those kisses weren't pecks either. They weren't long pecks either. There may have even been slight tongue involved but not much. He didn't press his luck by trying too much with that! I was caught up in the kiss. I realized I should go inside and I broke away from his lips. He whispered to me one more kiss. I gladly obliged and left him wanting more for the next weekend. That week passed me by in a happy wonderful blur. I was hanging out with new friends at school, studying hard and "J" called me every single night. How could I have anticipated that Friday night that changed my whole life. We were at his apartment its around 8 o'clock. I figure whatever going down it couldn't be more serious than pizza and a movie.... ( stay tuned for Part II coming out this week)

Felix's 30 Day Plan

This is an interesting theory for all of us trying to find a relationship out there. A close friend of mine gave me a suggestion for not getting hurt again ( will explain story in full detail later). What if you waited 30 days before you got intimate with your partner? I know it doesn't always happen like this were its planned out and structured. I mean if you have been talking to your crush for 30 days then I give you the green light!  Every situation is different of course. Abstience is an awesome choice for some. I respect that 100%. I don't want to knock on my fellow Christians but waiting for marriage isn't totally a realistic expectation anymore. Kids can't get away from sex! Thank you media and social networking (by the way that was a joke)! Sex is the most natural thing in the world. However, we are not animals and should never regard as ourselves as people who will lay down like dogs. There does need to be a price on sex so to speak. You are not a whore, slut or prostitute! The price has nothing to do with money. The price should be emotional stability, someone who takes care of your heart and who eventually becomes your boyfriend or girlfriend. Never give it up without a commitment of some sort! We get so caught up in the moment that we don't even think about it.

Top 5 Things To Ask Before You Have Sex

People are very shy about talking about this issue! However, I'm not shy at all! Its key to your emotional health to have these conversations. In October 2010, it was reported 1 in 3 college students will contract some type of STD. Why are we as a society not more vigilant in educating people about their sexual health ? Are we too embarrassed to speak up? Teenagers are getting AIDS, HPV and becoming parents every single minute. Here's my pre -sex checklist :   1. ) What type of protection are we going to use ?  2.) Ask your partner about their past sexual history OR 3#        3.) Get an HIV test done together  4.) How will you feel about yourself afterwards?   5.) Are you feeling pressured to do these things? It's okay to say NO
   

                           
                             
                            

                           

                           

                           
                       

Bro, are you her boyfriend or her pen pal?

When I hear about these long distances relationships and those couples who never see each other I just think PEN PAL! If you don't find a way to see each other its not going anywhere fast. Can we be adults and be honest with ourselves? I don't understand how these teens can say yes I have a boyfriend! There's something to be said for face to face contact. Couples in this high -tec world need to remove the emails, texts, IMs and close the distance. We can't depend on technology to keep feeding our relationships. If anything technology is putting a strain on our love connections. I miss the eye contact, voice inflection and tone with the written word.
P.S - Ladies, don't ever start a texting fight with your man! Please trust me on this!

Late Night Bootycall

You have to admit no matter how old you are or where your from no guy should be calling you at 1:50 AM on your cell. It's one thing if your close friends & you honestly just need to talk. If there is an emergency type of situation applies and there are exceptions. I totally understand! Can I let you in on an almost a universal secret? It's extremely disrespectful to call someone when they are probably sleeping! It's very much understood most people after 12 PM are asleep trying to rest up. Whoever it is calling you or texting you  after that clearly doesnt respect you! They are just trying to figure out who is horny and who is still awake? Period! Sorry end of the fucking discussion! Don't be sorry and don't answer the phone. You know what to do! This is just the perfect song to match because people lie to get what they want especially action hahaha nah but this is a good song! The rapper in the video is a Twitter buddy of mine named Mikealis. He's an awesome guy! Please support him!

There Just Has To Be Balance ( Relationship Musings)

The more I let go the better I feel! That seems to be my new out look on everything. I feel so much better when I don't try to mange and control everything. I'm not always a believer in letting destiny take its course but in terms of relationships though ( this idealogy has been working out for me). When people decide to walk out of our lives it's not our job to make sure they come back. Even though it hurts like hell we have to let them walk. We have to live out the lives that are in us! Therefore, maybe the universe or some divine creator is trying to push us away from things that are bad for us. The biggest thing that I've learned to not let a bad dating experience get in the way of me looking towards the future positivitely. Let's be honestly there are alot of jerks out there! Going through those experiences and trying to weed out the bad seeds has only made me a better dater. I learned the best through trial and sometimes painful errors. I'm reaching some conflicting ideas in my mind. I think there are times where a relationship is worth fighting for and worth trying to save. It just depends on the situation. As the saying goes you have to let someone go and if they really love you they will come back.
It brings up the question is it better to love with your head or with your heart? Will we ever have an answer to this question? My guess is the today until never! I think people have to use both equally to succeed! We need our hearts! How can you love someone who never shows any emotion or can't give any love? We need our heads at the same time! We need to look at people's prospects, goals, lifestyles and habits. The combination of the two can lead people to find good partners for the long term.

Why Would You Ever Change Yourself For A Guy?

It makes me so sick and angry that women seem to think changing for the guy is okay! What happened to having standards and sticking to your guns? I'm tired of seeing it everywhere. For example, if you have a man in your life then there's absolutely nothing wrong with taking an interest in sports. But don't fake the interest when you know you would rather be at home watching Grey's Anatomy or My Big Fat Greek Wedding! Just be yourself! Stand behind your words & morals. Be your own person! Have your own mind! In the end, that's way more attractive than being a YES girl.

P.S - Bottom line be beautiful , bold & courageous but don't take anyonelse's bullshit!

How To Get Through A BreakUp

1.  Be honest - Don't ignore the person who is trying to talk to you! Ignoring someone is only going to make the situation worse I promise you. If the issues at hand aren't being the handled then an even bigger fight is bound to happen. Don't leave the person you are breaking up with in a "grey" area. It's just not right. Karma is a bitch & doesn't discrimate.

2. Don't say let's be friends if you honestly want a friendship - This is the go to line for people these days! People always say were better off as friends. No I've used that line before & that's code for your a nice guy but I'm not interested anymore. Let's part ways. If I see you in the street I'll act like a good friend & like I wanna hang out - in reality I want to be left alone forever. Understand me?

3. Don't answer your phone- It's okay for you to declare yourself some me time! Go get your nails or hair done. Pamper yourself or go hang out with your friends! Anything to help yourself feel more relaxed.

4. Break up in a public place - Depending on the serious nature of the relationship do it in person! You owe it to the person your breaking up with at least a meeting in person! Try to not do it over text messaging or IM unless you feel like thats your only option of getting away!

5. Listen to your heart - You know when a relationship isn't working out long before it even happens to fall apart. There are red flags all over the place. For me it's certain things people say that tip me off long before.

P.S - This phase doesn't last forever but it will feel like a long time before you feel like yourself again. Honestly, being single is awesome ;) Hang in there buddy!

Celebrating The Break Up!

There are moments when I catch myself thinking about calling my ex! I have to remind myself how far I've come on my journey and that I NEVER needed him. I only deluded myself into thinking that I did. Guys & Girls no matter how shitty you feel being alone we have to come to some conclusions. The first is that sometimes people are going to hurt us. But I promise you its not the end of the world! Everyone has someone in the world that they were made for. It's just maybe you haven't found them yet. I try not to look at this break up in a negative way. I don't think people understand its even harder to end a relationship. It's easy to get dumped honestly! It's even harder to be on the other side of that and feel like your needs aren't getting fullifed. It's important though to make a clean break from the person you were with. There are some ex's of mine I just don't even talk to anymore. It's tempting to fall back into the old ways. You just have to remind yourself your destiny isn't tied up with certain people. It's okay to let go of things that aren't working. I'd rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't treat me like a queen! NEVER CHASE SOMEONE ELSE! LET THEM GO THEIR OWN WAY! XOXO

P.S - Love like you have never been hurt before & never let the bitterness from the past leave its mark on you!

The Break Up Playlist!

It's amazing how a song can totally change your mood! Since I'm sorta in that post break up phase I wanna hook you up with some songs that will totally improve the frame of mine & make you wanna dance! I swear the music almost makes everything all better. Just remember never let the past define you because everyone has so much to live for! XOXO! Enjoy the music!

                           Can't go wrong with some X-tina on your playlist & she never gets old!
   

I love Beyonce's new song Who Runs The World! She knows how write the best girl power songs!

I love Jessie J ! She has such a unique sound and really has blown up in popularity the last few years. Her song is called Do It Like A Dude by Jessie J

 

Girls Up by Bella Amie is just a really catchy song! This is the girls first single and they are from the United Kingdom. They've also relased a few other songs to follow up to this single. Happy Listening!

Of course I gotta throw in some Kelly Clarkson for the the American Idol fans! Kelly Clarkson always has alot of  good break up song! Since You Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson is all the way from her second album. It's an old song but definitely a goodie for sure!

Johnny Lang is always an emotional more bluesy feel like type of singer! His voice is so sexy ; I'm sorry! Haha, yeah I'm like a die hard fan over here. This song is about him having his heart broken by a girl that he truly loved. I think some of us can totally relate to this song as we try to move on.

P.S I love you guys & I will add more tunes as I see fit or write a comment and tell me if there's a song you think I should put on the Break Up Playlist! I would love your input. What type of songs get you through your break ups?

Love Is A Gamble

This entry has taken me forever to muster up the courage to even write this one.
I've been emotionally turned inside out and upside down. I just decided to break up with
my boyfriend. I'm okay. I know in my heart I made the right choice. The biggest lesson is to know when to cut your losses and move on. Love is a gamble. I still would have done everything the exact same way because I needed to learn. There is no way to turn around a one sided relationship! Once the situation happens you can't really do anything. You have a few options! 1) Express your displeasure but stay for a while 2) Leave the bitch alone and realize your too good for them. Ultimately love yourself !3) Stay with the relationship because you think its much better than being alone. I'm just glad I'm out of that terrible cold and distant relationship. There were red flags I will admit! At least I'm learning and I'm still really young so I'm not in a hurry to get it all right. I'm just glad getting out of this didn't take me more than two weeks. I''m just very relieved and glad to be single again. I am glad to have moved on from this awful nightmare of a relationship. I was tired of doing all the work. Can you blame me? Of course, when I needed help with issues going on in my life he would say i dont know? Sorry! I'm done with these little boys who cant handle a real diva.

P.S - There's another cute guy who wants to hang out soon and lives near me ! Always another million reasons to hope baby ;)

Who Said Being Single Was A Bad Thing?

Whats up everyone? First of all I'm so tired of hearing that being single is a bad thing. There are a lot of benefits to being single! I've come to realize that good and honest relationships can be extremely fullfilling. If you are single ; do your thing! I spent most of high school without a boyfriend. Being single helped me stay focused on getting through school and keeping my grades up. I had a lot time to create meaningful relationships with friends and classmates. My friends never got mad at me because I was spending too much time with a guy. Relationships can be extremely time consuming! Let's just face it. All the phone calls your going to make each other spending hours upon end. There is so much time that's going to be spent going to see each other and all those dates . There are going to be times in our lives where having a romantic relationship will seem silly or seriously trivial. I've met guys who I've liked but I honestly don't think they had time for a woman in their life. The free time was just so limited. It's so hard to schedule like that! I don't want a guy that I have to schedule like 3 weeks ahead just to get a couple of hours. Wouldn't it make more sense if people could evaluate themselves? Of course, in life there are things we can't control and situations that seem to press us for our time. Honestly, if you don't have the weekends free or a few nights a week free then maybe you don't need a relationship. If you don't have time then don't waste other people's time too!

Ways To Know Your Getting Played

Oh sweetie! This isn't what it looks like? I didn't really mean to get caught in bed with this hot girl? I didn't really mean to have a picture of a naked girl on my phone? I didn't mean to stand you up for your date tonight? A real man won't make so many excuses for himself and will rise to the occasion. I'm going to break down how to beat a player at his own game. I'm not at all recommending revenge tactics at all. I will try to arm you with tools so you can discern the sort of man your with. I've had extensive experience with this topic. You met Mr Wonderful! Awesome! Turns out he might be a cheating womanizer....? I know! Shocking? Yes! The first thing is everyone has a gut instinct a.k.a intution that allows them to know what's going on . It's the classic "something isn't right" type of feeling. However, you can't put your finger on it! A player is always way too smooth with everything he does. That should be your first clue! The smoothiness is what pulls and attracts you in. He always seems to say the right thing and never seems to get upset when you are.

The Short Version Of What I'm Trying to Say :

Good Guy
1) He wants to meet your family and does his best to get along with them

2) Brings flowers to the door

3) Is willing to listen to your ideas and wants to make you happy

4) Respects you and wouldn't EVER touch a woman

5) Provides a safe emotional place for you to share your private thoughts and emotion

6) Checks in with you with a few texts here and there , time on the phone , sends cute picture messages , video chats

7) He would let you cry on his shoulder and tell you everything gets better

8) He might buy you gifts for no reason when its not your birthday , anniversary , or special holiday

9) Volunteers to help you get things done

10) Has a special way he looks at you and holds you in high esteem

BOTTOM LINE : Don't let go of this guy if you find him! You might regret it!

 The Player

1) Would be extremely nervous if you wanted to see his cell phone or computer

2)  Drops the "L" word early because he thinks it will get him laid

3) Pretends like he cares about your life when's just estimating how much effort he needs to put out
to get laid

4)  Arrogant and usually has some sort of thrill seeking habits

5) In the end, its really always about who's sleeping with him tonight

6) Probably haven't had a first date with him but has already expressed interest in having phone sex with you or actucal sex. NOTE : Red flag! Run! Get far away from him!

7) Usually dresses extremely well and makes it a point to look groomed

8) A little too friendly with the waitress he met five minutes ago

9) Always has some sort of excuse for why he flirted with someone other than his girlfriend

10) Leaves you hanging with a to be continued....never checks in, never texts back, never calls to see if your okay

BOTTOM LINE : If you stay around you will probably will get used or emotionally damaged. Run if you see him!  Don't let the charm fool you because he really doesn't give a shit about whats your dog's name is or how you worked your way through college or any accomplishment you have.

IF YOU THINK YOUR GETTING PLAYED

1) Innocently ask to see his cell phone to make a phone call and try to leave the room with his phone ( give the impression that you would like some privacy and you will be back in five minutes)
Meanwhile, check his phone for anything questionable or any text messages

2) If your feeling really curious you can get  a reverse email address look up
    

3) Look around his computer if he leaves his open browser open

4) Figure out if your on his Facebook friends list. Sometimes shady things go down with social networking. If you are already his Facebook friend than dont worry about it you probably see everything going down already.

P.S - There are tons of things you can do to check up on someone. I am not a promoter of snooping on other people.People deserve privacy. I trust someone fully until they have given me a reason to not trust them. I also don't believe in people who are players or cheaters either. Those people deserve to be found out and not break the hearts of innocent people.