My Romance IV

I woke up feeling so elated. I remembered when he told me I was the only woman he actually liked cuddling . His arms were wrapped around me when I woke up. He was still sleeping soundly and snoring slightly. My little heart was singing a happy song. I felt nothing but love! Or was it all an allusion my mind had created to justify what I done? Even though, we spent much of our time together he wasn't my boyfriend. After we kissed and made out we had agreed we were more than friends. But agreeing to be more than friends just wasn't enough for me honestly! If you agreed to be more than friends than does that give you a friends with benefits status? If you like someone and you have slept with them then what is problem with starting a relationship? Technically, that process is backwards the relationship ideally would come first! This battle of questions and ethics was battering my mental energy. I knew on the inside that I deserved better. I deserved someone who wouldn't make me wait for them. Suddenly, my romance didn't seem so romantic after all....it took me two weeks for the magic our physical encounter to wear off. I texted him , " It's important I need to talk to you". He knew I never made statements like that without being completely serious. He called me as soon as he got a free second. He knew it was time to face the music. That marvelous ride we had been on was about to get to complicated seriously fast. I wanted a relationship. I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted someone who would have my back ultimately he wasn't up for that challenge. He wasn't on the same page as me after having his heart broken by his almost fiancee who cheated on him. But why make me suffer when the woman before me did those unspeakable things not me? I had to let it go because the whole situation was killing me slowly and draining me. It didn't make sense to invest my time and energy into someone who didn't care about seeing that my needs were met. It was a painful lesson to learn and I hope that you all learn my mistakes. I pray that you will never know the type of pain that I felt and was going through because it almost killed me. But I survived....