Disaster Date

I went out on a date this guy from one of my college classes. We were project group members & that is how we got to talking. I feel like the relationship talk started way too early it has really made me uncomfortable. I realize my pull away behavior is just making me more attractive because it's making him chase me. This is pretty much the opposite of what I want. I feel like I've tried to tell him I don't want a relationship. I'm okay with still being friendly when we see each other at school. But I don't need it to go any farther than what it is right now. I had brought up possibly going on a date and he agreed because seemed interested. I went on the date basically like not knowing what to expect. He was a chivalrous gentleman and paid for the date. Our date/hang out was at a small cafe near the school. I enjoyed talking to him very much also enjoyed his company. However, enjoying the company is different than having romantic feelings for another person. Maybe I am shallow? I always see him in class with his hat on and he never takes it off. He is 26 and severely balding underneath the hat! He is too young to be balding. How come he doesn't just shave it off? The other thing that I didn't like was that he was a smoker and it was yellowing his teeth badly. I really prefer to not date a smoker since I don't smoke myself. I think that is pretty fair and it is a big turn off for me. He is a huge Star Wars nerd and gamer neither those interest me that much. I feel like we have completely different interests when it comes down to it. Sure, I have watched Star Wars before like most people thought it was okay. But I'm not obsessed to the point where I have Star Wars movie tattoos. I don't think I can work with this ( no judgement on him personally). I think I'll pass on this on folks. He also told me that he spends two to three hours a day gaming. I think that is unwise since he isn't employed other than a work study job given by the school. Work study does count as having a job but he could probably have two jobs , spend more time studying or have more time to go out on dates if he wasn't busy with the games. Are the video games a priority or is having a girlfriend a priority? We kissed at the end of the date. Honestly, I felt no spark and it was awful. The guy didn't keep his lips relaxed enough for me so it was difficult to kiss him.  He said that he liked the kiss but I didn't want no more parts of that. I just wasn't into it. I think my kisses can be very playful and sexual so it doesn't shock me. I've been kissing boys since I was thirteen so the experience adds up as grown up. I just wasn't feeling him on this date. I wanted to be into him but it just wasn't working. I feel like I tried to let him down easy and the best way possible. He just doesn't listen probably have to reestablish boundaries again.

Places to Meet Your Next Boyfriend or Girlfriend

1) School - this a good place to start! Schools have a wide variety people. Try to get involved in a club you are passionate about ! ( more variety)

2) Concerts - always good tons of emo cuties or country rockers just depends  ( more musical)

3) Parties - awesome networking chances as well as being introduced to a hottie (more spontaneous)

4) Coffee Shop or Bookstore - always seems draw a plethora of interesting minds ( more intellectual)

5) Wine Tasting or Art Gallery - very sophisticated scene  ( more classy)

6) Online- wouldn't advise it but you might end up liking it. Give it a shot! (more unknown)

Bro, are you her boyfriend or her pen pal?

When I hear about these long distances relationships and those couples who never see each other I just think PEN PAL! If you don't find a way to see each other its not going anywhere fast. Can we be adults and be honest with ourselves? I don't understand how these teens can say yes I have a boyfriend! There's something to be said for face to face contact. Couples in this high -tec world need to remove the emails, texts, IMs and close the distance. We can't depend on technology to keep feeding our relationships. If anything technology is putting a strain on our love connections. I miss the eye contact, voice inflection and tone with the written word.
P.S - Ladies, don't ever start a texting fight with your man! Please trust me on this!

There Just Has To Be Balance ( Relationship Musings)

The more I let go the better I feel! That seems to be my new out look on everything. I feel so much better when I don't try to mange and control everything. I'm not always a believer in letting destiny take its course but in terms of relationships though ( this idealogy has been working out for me). When people decide to walk out of our lives it's not our job to make sure they come back. Even though it hurts like hell we have to let them walk. We have to live out the lives that are in us! Therefore, maybe the universe or some divine creator is trying to push us away from things that are bad for us. The biggest thing that I've learned to not let a bad dating experience get in the way of me looking towards the future positivitely. Let's be honestly there are alot of jerks out there! Going through those experiences and trying to weed out the bad seeds has only made me a better dater. I learned the best through trial and sometimes painful errors. I'm reaching some conflicting ideas in my mind. I think there are times where a relationship is worth fighting for and worth trying to save. It just depends on the situation. As the saying goes you have to let someone go and if they really love you they will come back.
It brings up the question is it better to love with your head or with your heart? Will we ever have an answer to this question? My guess is the today until never! I think people have to use both equally to succeed! We need our hearts! How can you love someone who never shows any emotion or can't give any love? We need our heads at the same time! We need to look at people's prospects, goals, lifestyles and habits. The combination of the two can lead people to find good partners for the long term.

How To Get Through A BreakUp

1.  Be honest - Don't ignore the person who is trying to talk to you! Ignoring someone is only going to make the situation worse I promise you. If the issues at hand aren't being the handled then an even bigger fight is bound to happen. Don't leave the person you are breaking up with in a "grey" area. It's just not right. Karma is a bitch & doesn't discrimate.

2. Don't say let's be friends if you honestly want a friendship - This is the go to line for people these days! People always say were better off as friends. No I've used that line before & that's code for your a nice guy but I'm not interested anymore. Let's part ways. If I see you in the street I'll act like a good friend & like I wanna hang out - in reality I want to be left alone forever. Understand me?

3. Don't answer your phone- It's okay for you to declare yourself some me time! Go get your nails or hair done. Pamper yourself or go hang out with your friends! Anything to help yourself feel more relaxed.

4. Break up in a public place - Depending on the serious nature of the relationship do it in person! You owe it to the person your breaking up with at least a meeting in person! Try to not do it over text messaging or IM unless you feel like thats your only option of getting away!

5. Listen to your heart - You know when a relationship isn't working out long before it even happens to fall apart. There are red flags all over the place. For me it's certain things people say that tip me off long before.

P.S - This phase doesn't last forever but it will feel like a long time before you feel like yourself again. Honestly, being single is awesome ;) Hang in there buddy!

Celebrating The Break Up!

There are moments when I catch myself thinking about calling my ex! I have to remind myself how far I've come on my journey and that I NEVER needed him. I only deluded myself into thinking that I did. Guys & Girls no matter how shitty you feel being alone we have to come to some conclusions. The first is that sometimes people are going to hurt us. But I promise you its not the end of the world! Everyone has someone in the world that they were made for. It's just maybe you haven't found them yet. I try not to look at this break up in a negative way. I don't think people understand its even harder to end a relationship. It's easy to get dumped honestly! It's even harder to be on the other side of that and feel like your needs aren't getting fullifed. It's important though to make a clean break from the person you were with. There are some ex's of mine I just don't even talk to anymore. It's tempting to fall back into the old ways. You just have to remind yourself your destiny isn't tied up with certain people. It's okay to let go of things that aren't working. I'd rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't treat me like a queen! NEVER CHASE SOMEONE ELSE! LET THEM GO THEIR OWN WAY! XOXO

P.S - Love like you have never been hurt before & never let the bitterness from the past leave its mark on you!

Ways To Know Your Getting Played

Oh sweetie! This isn't what it looks like? I didn't really mean to get caught in bed with this hot girl? I didn't really mean to have a picture of a naked girl on my phone? I didn't mean to stand you up for your date tonight? A real man won't make so many excuses for himself and will rise to the occasion. I'm going to break down how to beat a player at his own game. I'm not at all recommending revenge tactics at all. I will try to arm you with tools so you can discern the sort of man your with. I've had extensive experience with this topic. You met Mr Wonderful! Awesome! Turns out he might be a cheating womanizer....? I know! Shocking? Yes! The first thing is everyone has a gut instinct a.k.a intution that allows them to know what's going on . It's the classic "something isn't right" type of feeling. However, you can't put your finger on it! A player is always way too smooth with everything he does. That should be your first clue! The smoothiness is what pulls and attracts you in. He always seems to say the right thing and never seems to get upset when you are.

The Short Version Of What I'm Trying to Say :

Good Guy
1) He wants to meet your family and does his best to get along with them

2) Brings flowers to the door

3) Is willing to listen to your ideas and wants to make you happy

4) Respects you and wouldn't EVER touch a woman

5) Provides a safe emotional place for you to share your private thoughts and emotion

6) Checks in with you with a few texts here and there , time on the phone , sends cute picture messages , video chats

7) He would let you cry on his shoulder and tell you everything gets better

8) He might buy you gifts for no reason when its not your birthday , anniversary , or special holiday

9) Volunteers to help you get things done

10) Has a special way he looks at you and holds you in high esteem

BOTTOM LINE : Don't let go of this guy if you find him! You might regret it!

 The Player

1) Would be extremely nervous if you wanted to see his cell phone or computer

2)  Drops the "L" word early because he thinks it will get him laid

3) Pretends like he cares about your life when's just estimating how much effort he needs to put out
to get laid

4)  Arrogant and usually has some sort of thrill seeking habits

5) In the end, its really always about who's sleeping with him tonight

6) Probably haven't had a first date with him but has already expressed interest in having phone sex with you or actucal sex. NOTE : Red flag! Run! Get far away from him!

7) Usually dresses extremely well and makes it a point to look groomed

8) A little too friendly with the waitress he met five minutes ago

9) Always has some sort of excuse for why he flirted with someone other than his girlfriend

10) Leaves you hanging with a to be continued....never checks in, never texts back, never calls to see if your okay

BOTTOM LINE : If you stay around you will probably will get used or emotionally damaged. Run if you see him!  Don't let the charm fool you because he really doesn't give a shit about whats your dog's name is or how you worked your way through college or any accomplishment you have.

IF YOU THINK YOUR GETTING PLAYED

1) Innocently ask to see his cell phone to make a phone call and try to leave the room with his phone ( give the impression that you would like some privacy and you will be back in five minutes)
Meanwhile, check his phone for anything questionable or any text messages

2) If your feeling really curious you can get  a reverse email address look up
    

3) Look around his computer if he leaves his open browser open

4) Figure out if your on his Facebook friends list. Sometimes shady things go down with social networking. If you are already his Facebook friend than dont worry about it you probably see everything going down already.

P.S - There are tons of things you can do to check up on someone. I am not a promoter of snooping on other people.People deserve privacy. I trust someone fully until they have given me a reason to not trust them. I also don't believe in people who are players or cheaters either. Those people deserve to be found out and not break the hearts of innocent people.