Disaster Date

I went out on a date this guy from one of my college classes. We were project group members & that is how we got to talking. I feel like the relationship talk started way too early it has really made me uncomfortable. I realize my pull away behavior is just making me more attractive because it's making him chase me. This is pretty much the opposite of what I want. I feel like I've tried to tell him I don't want a relationship. I'm okay with still being friendly when we see each other at school. But I don't need it to go any farther than what it is right now. I had brought up possibly going on a date and he agreed because seemed interested. I went on the date basically like not knowing what to expect. He was a chivalrous gentleman and paid for the date. Our date/hang out was at a small cafe near the school. I enjoyed talking to him very much also enjoyed his company. However, enjoying the company is different than having romantic feelings for another person. Maybe I am shallow? I always see him in class with his hat on and he never takes it off. He is 26 and severely balding underneath the hat! He is too young to be balding. How come he doesn't just shave it off? The other thing that I didn't like was that he was a smoker and it was yellowing his teeth badly. I really prefer to not date a smoker since I don't smoke myself. I think that is pretty fair and it is a big turn off for me. He is a huge Star Wars nerd and gamer neither those interest me that much. I feel like we have completely different interests when it comes down to it. Sure, I have watched Star Wars before like most people thought it was okay. But I'm not obsessed to the point where I have Star Wars movie tattoos. I don't think I can work with this ( no judgement on him personally). I think I'll pass on this on folks. He also told me that he spends two to three hours a day gaming. I think that is unwise since he isn't employed other than a work study job given by the school. Work study does count as having a job but he could probably have two jobs , spend more time studying or have more time to go out on dates if he wasn't busy with the games. Are the video games a priority or is having a girlfriend a priority? We kissed at the end of the date. Honestly, I felt no spark and it was awful. The guy didn't keep his lips relaxed enough for me so it was difficult to kiss him.  He said that he liked the kiss but I didn't want no more parts of that. I just wasn't into it. I think my kisses can be very playful and sexual so it doesn't shock me. I've been kissing boys since I was thirteen so the experience adds up as grown up. I just wasn't feeling him on this date. I wanted to be into him but it just wasn't working. I feel like I tried to let him down easy and the best way possible. He just doesn't listen probably have to reestablish boundaries again.

Online Dating is it Shallow?

From my past experiences when I think about online dating I'm not sure its a good thing.
I hope if you are trying it out that's wonderful and don't let my opinion change your mind.

Main Issues

1.) Player's Playground
- Online dating makes it very easy for players to prey on young women that want to find true love
- Heterosexual women tend to write gobs & gobs on themselves giving them a lot to capitalize on
- Its easy to juggle seeing multiple women at the same time & not let any of them know about it

2.) Provided with Too Many Options ( Over saturation)
 - Could your perfect match have gotten lost in the shuffle?
 - If you don't have any kind of filtering system what are you picking your guys based on?

3.) Beware of Men with no Jobs
 - Unemployed men tend to hang around on free dating sites
 -  Why? Because its a f***ing free site & they are bored trying to get some
 - If you have time to be on a free dating site then you have time get a job &
   move out your Mommy's house! OOO! Yes, I'm going to keep it real sorry.

4.) Don't get Catfished & Swindled
 - Investigate anyone who is making big claims like "Hey guys, I'm a millionaire"
 - If it sounds too good to be true then it is too good to be true
 - Google imaging photos if you think someone is a fake is always a decent shot at getting the truth

5.) Wants Sex on the First Date
 - NO NO NO NO!!!
 - Online dating can be risky you are entering the home of a complete stranger
- Don't roll the dice with your life
- If he insists on taking you home & there is a lot of sex talk before meeting up its not worth it

High school guys vs. College guys

Do you feel there is a major difference between the two?

I think high school guys are more willing to get into a relationship. College guys are more likely to just to want to hook up and play the field. No question it depends on the person and the specific individual but I'm seeing alot more of that lately.

Ways To Make Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend Feel Special

*I would say I'm a professional at this one! Not to toot my own horn or anything!

Ways to Make Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend Feel Special

1.) Text Messaging - A highly abused form of communication but can be very effective when in a relationship. You can send each other cute photos, good morning texts, or a" just wanted to say i love you and hope you have a good day" let someone know you are there

2.) Speaking Positively About Your Partner- This is a huge one for couples; I can't stress it enough! There's nothing like knowing the person you are with is 100% behind you. This helps create positive reinforcement within the relationship! A simple "I believe in you" or "I know you got this taken care of" goes a long way for people. NEVER curse at your partner!

3.) Have a Skype Date Night - This is good for couples who are in a long distance relationships. The second best to seeing your significant other is to web chat and see the other person's face. It doesn't solve everything but it can really close the gap of feeling like its been a long time.

4.) Swing By Their Work or School For Five Minutes To Make Out - I used to do this all the time with my ex. It would be make each other's days that we could get to see each other first off. We both knew we couldn't stay very long but quick kisses help keep your significant other on your mind. Also it helps keep sexy it and know some passion is still left in the relationship

5.) Do Something Special Just Because (Leave A Gift) - Handmaid gifts are always great ideas if they are personalized. Once made one of my boyfriends a scrapbook with pictures of us. Many people enjoy receive flowers or chocolate and it doesn't have to be Valentine's Day.

6.) Write Them Cute Notes on Facebook - This tip isn't for everyone but if you feel comfortable doing it then why not. Leaving notes around the house are even better

My best advice to keeping a relationship alive is don't let the passion die! The small gestures usually mean the most! Say I love you every single day because we never know when it could be over

Places to Meet Your Next Boyfriend or Girlfriend

1) School - this a good place to start! Schools have a wide variety people. Try to get involved in a club you are passionate about ! ( more variety)

2) Concerts - always good tons of emo cuties or country rockers just depends  ( more musical)

3) Parties - awesome networking chances as well as being introduced to a hottie (more spontaneous)

4) Coffee Shop or Bookstore - always seems draw a plethora of interesting minds ( more intellectual)

5) Wine Tasting or Art Gallery - very sophisticated scene  ( more classy)

6) Online- wouldn't advise it but you might end up liking it. Give it a shot! (more unknown)

Online Dating My Thoughts

I think alot of people downplay how much online dating is actually used. People are more willing to make up stories than tell the truth( in regards to how they met there significant other). There is a large stigma attached online dating. I suppose its looked at where the losers to meet there perfect match. I will be the first to admit that I used it in the past. My experiences were widely varied. I met a lot of cool guys and weirdos in between. But those failures that just is going to add on to my experiences as a person. I realize that there are success stories from the online dating world. Many people who were successful kept up their personal pages up for a whole year. That's a long time before you meet the one. At the same time, I have to warn people about guys who say they want a relationship. They parade all around these sites when they just want to hook up! Sites have specfic caterogies for people who want random play( or want more "friends"). It takes the same amount of energy to have friends with benefits that does to make a relationship. What are people so scared of? Other than the obvious rejection or getting hurt?

I'm Back with Introspection

I've been a bad blogger! I haven't written since last month. I have been trying to drown myself in my school work. Even for me getting over a break up can be devasting! My boyfriend and I broke up! I thought he was going to be my one. But I did my best with the information I had at the time. Nobody can ask me to do anymore than that. I think I need to put myself on a dating break. Ever since the fall I started school I've been dating like non-stop. I guess because I'm on the part of my life, I finally have the time. However, I really need a break and just time to slow it down. That doesn't mean I'm taking a break from writing this blog. This is a passion of mine! I feel like I need to put myself in dating rehab! I need time for reflection and just to be in my own space again. It's dawned on me either I was always dating someone casually or in a relationship ( all these months). WOW! You might as well call me a professional dater

What I Really Think of Shows Like the Bachelor

For my international friends, The Bachelor is an American television program about finding your special someone. I'm disgusted I'm still even watching this show. I'm in it to see the hookups, the cat fights, competitions and the meltdowns. The premise of show ( if you don't know) basically putting twenty five women in house together. That doesn't sound so bad right? A house full of women sounds like a sorority sister club! Wrong!!! The catch is that these women are all after the same man! The competition is extremely fierce across the board. Anyone on The Bachelor show is hand picked by producers and has to be interviewed extensively . You put the prettiest, smartest, most accomplished women in America all under one roof? It's going to be dramatics and waterworks. Americans seem to want a love story so we can't help but love this show. I'm bothered that I'm still watching this show. The show seems to make for a game of hearts and who can get the man's attention. In real life does this Bachelor situation happen? Whether we realize it or not at one point in time there has be at least one person we have competed for. Men can probably relate to this more than women. Many women are sadly still judged more on how she looks than her intellectual abilites. Why does society seem to market towards women brimming over with sexuality? Society would love to say that we are above our human nature but we aren't. People are competitive by nature. We want the hottest boyfriend or girlfriend! We want the nicest car without breaking the piggy bank! We want the nicest crib! I could go on and on about the materialistic ideas. The fact is that real love sees beyond materialism!

The Salt In My Coffee

First dates are always so nerve racking. Your totally stressing! You wanna be as cute possible! You want to basically put your best self forward. How to handle all those nerves around the person you like? AHHH! HELP! Well, what I can say is the let the conversation develop naturally. A good starting point in a date is get the other person talking about themselves. People love to talk about themselves. When I say get your date to talk about themselves as them about their job, activities they like, movies and TV. I will admit I get crazy nervous about a date when I walk out the door! I will use my recent first date as an example for how your nerves can effect you. Okay so, I'm on date at a cozy cafe with this really cute army guy. Damn, I was way too busy staring in his gorgeous eyes. I really didn't notice I had mistaken the salt for the sugar. However, I was a complete idiot. I should have totally know that sugar was in packets labeled. The salt shaker was clearly distinguishable sitting next to marked sugar. In my house I put the sugar in its own container ( so I had a little mix up). I was extremely lucky my date though my mistake was totally funny. He stopped me before I drank the salt in my coffee. Thank God! It would have tasted terrible. He thought it was cute and I was able to laugh off my mistake. It could have been a disaster date but it seemed like my mistake broke the ice. It did end up being an extremely successful date and we are working on seeing each other again. The lesson seems to be even if you do something wrong just laugh off the mistake. The guy or girl your seeing might find that to be adorable or quirky. Don't beat yourself up if you happen to do something by accident. Let's face it we all do silly things!

What Happened On My Valentines Day?

Well, for me since Valentines  fell on Tuesday I didn't do much of anything. It was my day off from going to classes. I listened to a lot of single people bitch and whine the whole day. The people that I knew who were in relationships seemed disappointed when their significant other fell short of expectations. My heart totally goes out to them! For me, Valentines Day came a few days early. I had a date planned. I really like this new guy. He's a rare find. He makes me smile. We make each other laugh and we seem to vibe really well off each other's energy. It was getting towards the end of the date and we were having some quiet time talking to each other. He pulled out two boxes of chocolate. One of the boxes of chocolate turned out to be genuine Godiva chocolate. He also had another small gift for me. It made me realize something about myself. I say I'm an independent woman but I really do love a romantic man. After he pulled out the gifts he asked if I would be his Valentine! We kissed for a long time and of course I said YES! I couldn't have planned a better Valentines Day surprise.

Sometimes I Think Men Are Clueless

If you want to attract the right kind of woman men really need help sometimes! My God! Don't lead with your sexual feelings first! I know the penis does the picking but put it back in your pants! This goes for anyone! People don't wanna hear about how long its been since you had a good f***! What the hell is wrong with people sometimes? Don't ever joke with a serious woman about how you think maybe shes a DTF kind of girl!

Why Is Love so Hard to Come by?

I think a variety of reasons can play into our own fears and insecurities about why we can't find it.  I think I speak for a lot people when I say our biggest fear is going through this life alone. Love is the one thing we all crave and want in the worst way. However, I'm not willing to short change my morals to reach my goals. I was tested when this cute guy from my school approached me. It was midnight and he said he wanted to hang out. I would have had to sneak out of my house at that hour. I always advocate against women being booty calls. This time I followed my own advice! I wanted to see him but I realized my virtues and the relationship with myself is more important than "getting a guy".

Signs Your Relationship Is Going Well

*Unedited Preview of my new article I'm working on should be finished by 1/12/12  I just couldn't wait to get my ideas out there


1. ) He wouldn't object  to you leaving an extra toothbrush or your shower gel at his place.

This shows that he's getting comfortable with you. It's another sign that your spending so much time that it seems natural to leave some things behind. It's also a good sign because if there were other women coming to his house then he couldn't have you leave your things in plain sight.

2.) If you both work or go to school during the week then your spending most weekends together.

 Most people devote the weekends to hobbies or relationships that they care about. It's great when a couple loves to devote their weekends to some "us" time but don't forget about your friends.

3.) He schedules dates and meet ups before 8 p.m

There's nothing more disrespectful to me than a guy who calls me at 11:30 pm asking if I want to "watch a movie" or I want to "chill for a little bit". As the woman you have every right to set the bar higher and demand that he call earlier in the night.

4.) He makes you breakfast without asking when you sleepover

This is tapping into the provider role that is hardwired into a man! He wants to take care of you and he does it all with a smile. Men show love through their actions instead of saying it. Pay attention to the small gestures is the key.


5.) He does his best to remember important dates ( example your birthdays , your auditions, your big tests mainly the big moments in your life)

He does he best to remember those important events and goes to them when he can. This shows he's truly invested. So if he shows up on time to be your date to the party

6.) You can't keep your hands - off each other (non-groping way)

7.)  Your partner respects your rights and wouldn't force you to stay if you weren't happy

8.) You can talk about anything without the fear of being judged or put down for your ideas

9.) It feels natural and easy when your together ( it just works)

10.) The sex is hot and never feels like a chore!

The sex isn't perfect all the time but it's very steamy and you work hard to please each other. Sex isn't everything but its important to feel intimacy with your partner.

11.) Making time for each other even though you have important things in your life


12.) After a few months you've either met some of  their friends and family

13.) You can see them easily in your long term plans

14.)  You don't have secrets in the relationship and your open with each other

I'm Complaining Really Fast

I can't stand boys who talk about sex all the time. It's so annoying. I'm not saying sex isn't fun for us girls. But usually when someone talks about sex all the time it's a sign of immaturity. That guy is usually just looking for a decent make out session or a nice romp in the hay. Those jerks are least easy to avoid once they've spouted all their sexual fantasies then they leave you alone. They are normally so embrassed that they have told you those deep thoughts and you haven't reciprocated in the least.

Does Being Official on Facebook Matter?

I think to some people being on Facebook with the relationship is a huge deal. It's the complete and total public acknowledgement of your relationship. However, I feel people give Facebook an  important place in their lives that is unnecessary at times. I think if your boyfriend or girlfriend is an active user ( meaning they check Facebook daily or more than once a day) then it's worth having the conversation . I think anything that bothers you is worth talking about. It's a tough call especially if you are very young couple.The negative side is the break up will essentially be a public event thanks to Facebook. I would totally weigh your options. Every couple is different! Some people will want to broadcast the relationship and others don't feel like having it be public knowledge. I hope you don't jump to the assumption that your partner has something to hide. We all hope that our relationships last forever but lets be realistic here! Facebook may make it more complicated when we are severing ties.

Welcome to 2012

Hey guys,
      It's been so long since I've written in this blog. I was dealing with finals at college and trying to figure out some of my own boy drama. I really need to step it up and try to come up with material weekly. I've been talking to alot of my girlfriends and it seems they need LOADS help. Girls still need more advice on dating and what to do let's face it. I'm going to come up with some youtube videos to go along with the blog for 2012. Also, I want to try and get some of my friends to be guest writers. I do want to have sections of the blog were I talk in depth about my own life as well.  It looks like I have my work cut out for me.
               XOXO,
                        Dev

Advice Worth Listening To ?

I think the best thing we can do for ourselves is not to ask everyone what they would do in our relationship situation. If someone is alone and they haven't had a date in years then is that advice valid? Maybe were asking all the wrong people to solve our problems . I find that I can talk through my problems with my friends but it only helps so much. It's like talking about a problem could only make it worse. I think deep down people know what they need to do. The right answers are written on the inside of us. There's no shame at all in needing help. However, people and situations can completely change and shock you. Nothing is the same way it was five minutes ago. Who should we listen to? Who knows us the best? Who has your best interests at heart and steer you in the right direction? I feel so strongly about this and I just feel like not everyone is qualified to give people relationship advice.

My Romance V

The hardest part about ending a relationship or a friendship is how to explain what happened to the people you love. How do you move on when you have resentment in your heart? How can you heal when you feel like you have nothing left? I walked around my hometown for the whole day distraught not in my right mind. The memories of "J" and I kissing in bed flashed in my mind. The separation from him cut me deeper than the sharpest knife. I felt like the one person who was suppose to understand me and protect me had betrayed me for his own lust. I heard his voice in my mind apologizing on the phone as I walked with tears falling down my face. I'm sorry wasn't good enough. I'm sorry wasn't cutting it. How could he? But it made me realize that a casual relationship could never ever be enough for me. 

My Romance IV

I woke up feeling so elated. I remembered when he told me I was the only woman he actually liked cuddling . His arms were wrapped around me when I woke up. He was still sleeping soundly and snoring slightly. My little heart was singing a happy song. I felt nothing but love! Or was it all an allusion my mind had created to justify what I done? Even though, we spent much of our time together he wasn't my boyfriend. After we kissed and made out we had agreed we were more than friends. But agreeing to be more than friends just wasn't enough for me honestly! If you agreed to be more than friends than does that give you a friends with benefits status? If you like someone and you have slept with them then what is problem with starting a relationship? Technically, that process is backwards the relationship ideally would come first! This battle of questions and ethics was battering my mental energy. I knew on the inside that I deserved better. I deserved someone who wouldn't make me wait for them. Suddenly, my romance didn't seem so romantic after all....it took me two weeks for the magic our physical encounter to wear off. I texted him , " It's important I need to talk to you". He knew I never made statements like that without being completely serious. He called me as soon as he got a free second. He knew it was time to face the music. That marvelous ride we had been on was about to get to complicated seriously fast. I wanted a relationship. I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted someone who would have my back ultimately he wasn't up for that challenge. He wasn't on the same page as me after having his heart broken by his almost fiancee who cheated on him. But why make me suffer when the woman before me did those unspeakable things not me? I had to let it go because the whole situation was killing me slowly and draining me. It didn't make sense to invest my time and energy into someone who didn't care about seeing that my needs were met. It was a painful lesson to learn and I hope that you all learn my mistakes. I pray that you will never know the type of pain that I felt and was going through because it almost killed me. But I survived....

My Romance Part III

We sat next to each other on the couch. We had a bunch of DVDs lined up , blanket ready and food was warm and ready to go. Suddenly something started to happen that I couldn't explain. He kissed me so passionately and held me so tight. His hands were everywhere at once suddenly! His hands were in my hair, my face, my neck.... I'm not sure if I regret what happened next. I'll cut out the mechanics of it I know that I have some thirteen year olds reading this at home. If you can't guess what happened next then that means you aren't old enough to be reading this honestly ;) I didn't go home that night. When I woke up it was 2am and "J" was in a deep sleep. I decided I would face the consequences tomorrow.